Steve Hender Leadership Coaching

What would you do to improve yourself? Well, let’s step one step backwards. The first question might be, why should you bother improving yourself? And I think the answer to that is some thing like, so you don’t suffer any more stupidly than you have to. And maybe so others do not have to either. It is something like that. You know, like there’s a true injunction at the bottom of it. It’s not some casual self-improvement philosophy. It is that if you don’t arrange yourself properly, you’ll pay for it and in a significant way. And so will the people around you today, and you could say, well, I do not care about that, but that’s actually not true. You actually do care about that because if you are in pain, you may care about it. And that means you do care about, even if it’s only that negative way, you know, it is very rare you could find someone who’s in excruciating pain who would ever say, well, it would be no better.

If I was out of this sort of pain is one of the things that brings the notion that it would be better if it did not exist along with it, it’s in controvertible. So you get your act together so that there is not any more stupid pain around you than necessary. Well, so then the question might be, well, how would you go about getting your act together? And the answer to that, and this is a phenomenological idea, too. It is something like, look around for something that bothers you and see if you can repair it. So now you think, well, let’s say, let’s say you go into, you can do this in a room. It’s quite fun to do it. Just when you’re sitting in a room like a room, possibly your bedroom, you can sit there and just sort of meditate on it and think, okay, if I wanted to spend 10 minutes making this room better, what would I must do?

And you need to ask yourself that, right? It’s not a command. It is like a real question and things will pop out in the room that, you know, like there’s a heap of papers over there. That’s sort of bugging you. And you know, that maybe little order there would be a good thing. And you know, you haven’t, there’s some rubbish behind your computer screen that you haven’t attended for like six months. And the room would be slightly better if it was a little less dusty and the cables, were not all tangled up the identical way. And like, if you, if you let yourself just to think about the expanse where you exist at that moment, there will be all sorts of things. That will pop out in it which you can just fix. And, you know, I might say, well, if you’re coming to see me for childbirth, this simplest thing for us to do would just be to get you to arrange your room. You think, well, is that psychotherapy? And the answer is, well, it depends upon how you conceive the constraints of your being. And I Would say begin where you can begin.

You know, If, if something announces itself to you, which is a strange way of considering it as in need of repair, that you could repair, then Hey, fix it. You mend a hundred things like that. Your life is going to be a whole lot different. Now, I often tell people to repair the things you repeat every day, because people tend to think of those as trivial, right? You get, you brush your teeth, you’ve got your breakfast. You know, you’ve got your routines which you go through daily. Well, those probably constitute 50% of your life. And people think, well, they are mundane. I don’t need to listen to them. It’s like, no, no, that is exactly wrong things you do daily. Those are the main things you do. Hands. All you have to do is do the arithmetic. You’ve figured out right away. So a hundred adjustments to your wider domain of being, and there is a lot less crap and there’s a lot less rubbish around it.

A good deal fewer traps that you step into. And so that’s in keeping with Ewing’s idea about erasing the dis once you’ve got your mind and your emotions together, and once you’re acting that out, then it is possible to extend what you’re prepared to consider yourself itself and begin fixing up the things which are part of your wider extent. Now, sometimes you don’t know how to do that. So you may say, imagine you are walking down Bloor street and there’s this guy who’s like schizophrenia and alcoholic and has been on the streets for 10 years. He sort of stumbled towards you and you know, incoherently mutters something, that is a problem. And it would be useful if you could fix it, but you, haven’t got a clue about how to fix that. You simply walk around that and go find something you could fix, since if you muck about it, that not only is it unlikely that you’ll help that person, it’s very probable you’ll get hurt yourself.

So, you know, just because while you’re experiencing things themselves, as in need of repair, doesn’t mean that it is you right then and there, that should repair them. You have to have some humility. You know, you don’t walk up to a helicopter which isn’t working and just start tinkering away with it. You need to remain within your domain of competence. But the majority of the time, if people look at their lifestyles, you know, it’s very interesting thing to do. I liked, I liked the concept of the room because you can do that at the drop of a hat. You know, you go back to where you reside and sit down and think, okay, I will make this place better for 30 minutes.

What should I do If they have to ask And things will pop up like mad. And it is partly because your mind is a really strange thing. As soon as you give it a name, a genuine aim, it’ll reconfigure the entire world in keeping with that aim. That’s really how you see to start with. And so in case you set it a job, especially you’ve got to be genuine about it, and that’s why you have to bring your ideas and emotions together. And then you must get them in your body. So you’re acting consistently. You’ve got to be genuine about the aim, but once you aim, the world will reconfigure itself about that goal, which is extremely strange. And it is, it’s, it’s technically correct. You know, the best example of this, you have all seen this video where you see the basketballs being tossed back and forth between members of the white team versus the black team.
And well, you’re doing that. A gorilla walks up into the center of the video and don’t see it.

It is like, you know, if you thought about that experiment for around five decades, that would be about the right amount of time to spend thinking about it. Because what it shows you is that you see what you aim at and that guy, if you’re able to get one thing through your mind and as a consequence of even being in university, that would be a good one. You see exactly what you aim at. And so, because one inference you might draw from this is be careful what you aim at,
Right? It what you aim at determines
How the world manifests itself to you. And so if the world is manifesting itself in a very negative manner, one thing to ask is, are you planning at the perfect thing? Now?

You know, I’m not trying to reduce everybody’s issues to an improper aim. People today get cut off at the knees for a variety of reasons. You know, they get sick, they have injuries, there is a random element to being that is for sure. But, and that means you don’t need to take anything, even that particular phrase too much, you need to bind it together with the fact that arbitrary things do happen to people, but it’s still a terrific thing to ask.